I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
