i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
