Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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