just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
