life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
