I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
pop tarts are not kleenex
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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