worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
