we have pet lesbian snakes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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