I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
