Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we made out on top of his cat.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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