Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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