dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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