Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
