2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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