I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
