come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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