i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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