I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
