Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
