If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
