4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
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