Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
