I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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