Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
