My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
