I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
