I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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