took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
