you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
