dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
