I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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