i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
