His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
