I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
