Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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