nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
