Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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