I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
