So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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