i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
