Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
