Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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