Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
either way he was missing a nipple.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
