I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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