Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
