the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
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He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
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Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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