Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
