Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
