I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
