Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
