i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
People in love make me want to vomit
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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