I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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