Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
