No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
