Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
