just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
