WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
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Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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