she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
