last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
