whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
