Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
