That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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