I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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