I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
