I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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