i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
