so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize