is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
