ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
