Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
