She said her name was "party"
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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