bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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