I just made out with a guy for $7.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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