im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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