Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
