I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
