i think my mom watched the whole time
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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