okay pat passed out under dana's car
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
