A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
