Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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